


It's a bearable time

by LisaxParker



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alpha Cristiano, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Heavy Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Paulo, Omega Verse, Some pairings are mostly mentioned, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-01 15:10:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15776610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisaxParker/pseuds/LisaxParker
Summary: That night, Cristiano said that he’d never be able to hurt him and Paulo believes him religiously, because the child that he carries inside is the most sincere proof.





	1. It's worth an eternity

The chain of incredible and strange events had become for Paulo the sweetest experience in the world. Somehow, even when he couldn't fully understand, life had managed to make him happy in a way that he wasn't used to enjoying often. Good things had started almost a year ago, when the club's leaders had decided that he was talented enough to play with the first team. Paulo found in that gesture the opportunity of his life and the reward for the bet he had made when he decided to leave his native Cordoba to emigrate to Italy.

The most important clubs in the world had been prone a few years ago to accept omegas in their main campuses and Juventus wasn't a exception. After playing a couple of months in the lower divisions, which only allowed male omega players, he got the most precious gift. Massimiliano Alegri nominated him to train with the first team and Paulo became one of the 3 omegas that played along with the rest of the alphas and betas the most important competitions in Europe and Italy.

Being part of the first team had been difficult at first. Paulo was an omega and as such everyone behaved differently with him. His teammates, probably without malice, made him remember that all the time. Some of them were condescending, understanding his first mistakes and attributing them to his omega status, as if he weren't really made to play a sport like football. Others were, on the other hand, too demanding and were often biased about the differences between them and him. Paulo spent some time alone, accompanied by nobody but Mattia and Daniele, the other two omegas of the team. However, none of these situations managed to disappoint him and he sought, with constancy, to show that he was as talented and capable as his alphas and betas teammates.

It didn't take long for Paulo to delight the fans with his goals. For him it was simply so easy to get to the rival arc and destroy it. He became the scorer and the young star of the team and got the love of the fans and soon also the respect of his teammates.

Little by little, he was no longer stigmatized and set apart for being an omega, but his omega condition served to make his teammates, irremediably, paternal and protective with him. It was inevitable. There everyone seemed to want to keep him safe. Paulo was 23 years old, had big green eyes, a pretty face and a small body and the rest of the alphas, instead of seeing him as a potential couple, had dedicated themselves to treating him like a child who had to be guided and advised.

Paulo had agreed with that. He had cheerfully accepted the protection of his alpha mates in the same way that he had agreed to religiously comply with the taking of his suppressants and contraceptives in order to maintain a pleasant, calm and professional environment on the field. He wasn't interested in having a real partner either; the options in Italy weren't scarce, but he had decided to put his career first. Juventus was his home now and he could endure loneliness with triumphs and victories. Paulo had believed that things could only improve and he was sure of it until that alpha became part of the team and, with it, his perfect world started to crumble gently.

Cristiano Ronaldo was possibly the most important player that Juventus had had in the last time and captured the attention of everyone and Paulo felt strange to recognize that he had also managed to captivate him. He had kept an eye on his career as he did with most of the important and consolidated players he hoped to look like someday, so having him there, on the same team as him, was an incredible luck. Cristiano was a reference point from which to learn everything and Paulo looked at him as he would look at a guide.

But, beyond talent and technicality, Cristiano was surprisingly nice. He was nothing like the image that the media had created of him: he wasn't arrogant, he greeted everyone when he came to train, he had a good sense of humor and he was always willing to give advice or tell experiences to the younger ones. Paulo felt lucky to share the shirt with this alpha who, besides being the best player, was a great person.

With him he was especially tender, as if he was aware of the way in which all the other betas and alphas of the team treated him and wanted to join the group. It didn't take long for them to become friends; friendship that was strengthened by a latent and lasting complicity in the field game and also outside it. Cristiano was a sweet alpha. He kissed him on the cheek in the morning when they saw each other and also when they said goodbye; he insisted on taking pictures with him and spoke good things about Paulo when the journalists asked him what it felt like to form a double scorer with an omega.

Paulo understood that Cristiano was the most respectful, friendly, funny and kind alpha he had known in his life as a professional footballer and was happy to have the opportunity to play alongside him. But he also felt fear when he realized that Cristiano was the only alpha that had attracted him since his arrival in Europe.

At first, Paulo told himself it was nonsense. That he was confused and that he was misunderstanding the affection that Cristiano gave him because Cristiano was only nice and polite to all the boys and he wasn't, in fact, anything special. But that didn't mean that the butterflies in the stomach felt whenever Cristiano brushed his hands or caressed his shoulders or his hair or waist stopped.

Stunned and overwhelmed by the sensations and the veracity of that strange feeling he was beginning to feel, he blamed Cristiano. Maybe Cristiano was just playing with him. Paulo was young and pretty and he was aware of that and more than one of his teammates had warned him about the type of alpha who was only interested in get laid and disappearing from his life. Mario, as cold as he sometimes seemed, had told him that he was a great boy and that he couldn't be just fooled by anyone and that he had to be careful. Mario had whispered "I know how alphas can be, because I'm one of them".

But Paulo was unable to believe that Cristiano was that type of alpha. He seemed so correct. He seemed so sincere every time he looked him in the eye and said his name. Cristiano didn't have to look for him in the corridors or wait for a moment alone, but he did it and all of that caused in Paulo a tranquility and a confidence that produced a warmth in his chest.

The day Cristiano asked him if he wanted to go to his house, Paulo's air was cut off. He wasn't sure whether or not to believe that Cristiano was serious. Visiting Cristiano's house, even if it was just for coffee or a chat, was unexpected. Paulo shrugged and pursed his lips, drowning the yes that wanted to escape from his mouth with force.

During all his questions about whether Cristiano was playing with him or was really interested in forming something, Paulo had chosen to stop thinking about the details. Alvaro had reminded him insistently, at the moment when Paulo had confessed the bizarre situation in which he had gotten together with Cristiano and Gonzalo had told him, perhaps too strongly in the voice, that he simply couldn't interfere in Cristiano's life because Cristiano had a family and if finally the relationship they had came to light, Paulo would be the only victim.

Cristiano was married and united with a female omega and had a daughter less than a year old and he used to be proud to be a father and a family man every time he had the opportunity on his Instagram and on TV. Georgina Rodriguez seemed to be the perfect omega for an alpha like Cristiano and little Alana only complemented them in a way that made Paulo feel dizzy.

Gonzalo and Álvaro were right, after all. Cristiano was a mature, married man and Paulo was just a boy who was still in training and who was probably dazzled by that football superstar who played beside him and who paid so much attention to him. Paulo knew that in the end his two friends told him the truth. If anything about him and Cristiano really happened, Paulo'd be the third in a stable and consolidated relationship and when the celebrity found out about it, they wouldn't judge Cristiano, they'd judge him and his career wouldn't recover from a blow like that. 

But Paulo also believed that those were rash concerns. They hadn't even given each other a kiss, they hadn't said a confession, nor had they spoken anything that'd let him know that Cristiano felt the same. His reverie was based only on empty clues and insinuations that, after all, could mean anything. Paulo didn't have to feel guilty about a situation that still didn't really happen.

He had all that in mind when, finally, decided to say aloud the yes that was stuck in his throat and Cristiano smiled with that smile that only he could have and the way to his car was in silence and with such closeness at the same time that Paulo wasn't able to question anything at all. When they arrived at Cristiano's place, after hardly exchanging a couple of words on the way, Paulo realized something.

He was willing to accept from Cristiano whatever he wanted to give, even if the consequences later destroyed him completely.

That afternoon, Georgina wasn't there and neither was Alana and the loneliness of the house made Paulo think about so many things. The kiss that Cristiano gave him, without warning and without any clue, made him sure that all this he was feeling was really meaning.

When Cristiano moves away gently, without giving any word, Paulo can't do more than smile. He doesn't need explanations of any kind because Cristiano's eyes tell him everything and he thinks he can read them.

That day nothing happens between them, but the training is never the same again. Cristiano is a playful beast, who looks for him everywhere and who flatters him with malice every one of his games with the ball and Paulo accepts all his words and his actions and his caresses hidden in the locker room because he's so in love and Cristiano is the alpha he could only have in dreams. Paulo loves the way in which by Cristiano's side he can feel free and embraces him with force, kisses him all over his face and hangs on his neck to show him that he's totally at his feet.

Paulo never really thinks about Georgina or Alana, nor about the life to which Cristiano has to return after they separate. He prefers to focus on everything he feels when Cristiano kisses him and tries to make all those sensations last until the next day, when they see each other again in training.

Paulo doesn't know if his teammates know or if they have noticed and actually, that doesn't matter too much. Cristiano puts little effort into disguising and Paulo dreams and wants to believe that the lightness with which Cristiano acts around him is because he's in love too and that he would be able, some day at least, to recognize the love they have in front of everybody.

Paulo has told how many days have passed since that kiss in the house of Cristiano and at the exact 75, Gonzalo gives him a crude warning.

His WhatsApp message says "don't sleep with him" and Paulo, at first, cannot understand the coldness of the words, so he doesn't answer anything and instead remains anxiously waiting for Gonzalo's next answer.

"Paulo, I'm telling you seriously. I'm an alpha and I know what alphas want and Cristiano is not going to leave his family to be with you so please don't sleep with him. Don't get involved that way"

Paulo frowned, because he's sure that Gonzalo knows him deeply and that means that he also knows that for Paulo there would be, forever, a before and an after in the hidden relationship that he and Cristiano carry if they shared the bed even if it was only once.

"Please tell me you two haven't fucked"

Paulo answered him with the truth, but Gonzalo continued his unprecedented attack. 

"I love you and I just want to see you happy. He can't make you happy. You deserve so much more"

He wants to write something, but he just cannot.

"I don't want him to hurt you"

And that last sentence was what made Paulo smile broadly.

"Cristiano would never hurt me. He swore it to me"

Gonzalo didn't insist more after that.

However, he makes him think. Sleeping with Cristiano was a secret longing he had kept hidden because of shame and shyness. When desires came to take control of his body, Paulo sabotaged himself by imagining that he probably couldn't be good enough for Cristiano. Cristiano had lived a lot more than he and surely had had unique experiences and sensations unequaled and when Paulo thought about the remote possibility of having sex with him, he couldn't help asking one question after another. Will I fulfill his expectations? Will I be able to make him like me?

Those ideas keep fluttering for a few days. Cristiano's always close to him, either behind or with his hands on some part of his body and Paulo thinks it is a raw and painful torture. One afternoon, in the showers, Paulo feels his interior burn in flames. Cristiano is gently placed behind him, when they are alone and wet and ecstatic and Paulo wants nothing more than to become one with Cristiano at that moment. Cristiano's big hands feel like fire melting his skin and while he closes his eyes, he gives himself fully.

But it never happens. Cristiano moves away from him tenderly and Paulo remains on his own, confused and stunned as the water falls on his hair and slides all over his body.

Cristiano doesn't try again after that, but Paulo is restless, moving around him more than usual when they are training, behaving in the omega way he never did before when he was in the midst of his teammates and was a first-timer . At the beginning, Paulo believes that none of it has an effect and that Cristiano is difficult to crack. However, when his vacation begins, Cristiano takes three days to send him a voice message with a proposal that he simply cannot refuse.

Two days alone in a hotel in Lipari, while Georgina is doing a photo shoot for a magazine.

Paulo can't say no.

Cristiano will be waiting there in a week and Paulo decides one thing without thinking too much. During the remaining days for him and Cristiano to see each other, Paulo doesn't take suppressants or contraceptives or any natural remedy to hide his essence and his true desires and all he really wants is to finally embrace his deepest self in the hand of Cristiano.

He's just so in love that he believes that such a risk is worth it.

When they see each other in the small hotel in Tapari, in the midst of an absolute dissimulation, Cristiano's smile only reinforces each one of Paulo's beliefs and, when they are in a bed together, for the first time, warm and in an exorbitant intimacy, he knows that all this is the only really sincere thing he has ever had in his life.

Cristiano's voice is sweet against his ears and when he gets comfortable between his legs, Paulo feels faint.

That night, Cristiano told him "have you ever done this before?" And Paulo couldn't help but laugh and come up to him and give him a kiss that Cristiano answered with pleasure and Paulo thought then, how can that be a mistake? How can this be a lie?

When his laughter subsided, he decided to whisper in a very low tone. "So childish do I look for you?"

Cristiano shook his head and Paulo squinted. He was the most perfect man Paulo had ever met.  
   
I just don't want to hurt you, he repeated.

Paulo smiled then, as if there was no room in him for anyone other than Cristiano.

I know you never would.

Those two nights are worth an eternity for Paulo and the memories he has of them remain in his memory forever and he relives them every day, even when the holidays are over and even when he must see the pictures that Cristiano posts in Instagram of his wife and his daughter. Cristiano told him that he didn't want to hurt him and Cristiano has never lied to him and, in reality, Paulo adores him so and that means, in a certain way, that he's protected against all kinds of bullets and suffering that Cristiano could unintentionally cause him.

Paulo has no doubt about it. When 27 days have passed since the idyll, he has an even more valid proof to show everyone that his love for Cristiano is the purest thing, and he's sure that when Cristiano knows about that, he will agree with him. 

The child he carries in the womb is the sweetest and most candid memory that, despite all the adversity, Cristiano could never harm him. Instead, he has given him the most innocent gift of love and, therefore, the only real and that is above anything; that is far beyond all the anguish, uncertainty and confusion he could ever feel.


	2. Bye bye for a while

Paulo knew that all the boys could notice it only with the looks they gave since he crossed the center doors. Each one of guys saw him in the same way they did when he first came to the team, as if he were a stranger or like he was stepping on the land that was forbidden to him. Everyone's eyes seemed to penetrate deeply and look for him and his body any other indication that would corroborate what their noses indicated strongly. Nobody came too close and their uncomfortable glances were left spinning in the safety of a relevant space. Dizzy and acidic, Paulo walked slowly to the field. The look that Mario gave him, when he came to his side, was a mixture of disappointment, pity and anger.

That morning, Paulo was kindly reneged to training with the omegas of the team. It seemed as if ignoring him was an unspoken rule for all the alphas around. No one was saying a single word and all contact he could find with more people besides Mattia and Danielle came from the coaches. Allegri had not given him any personal instructions during the whole morning, just furtive glances that he then shared with the rest of the coaching staff. Paulo endured, stoically, the nausea that made his stomach hurt. All he could think about was that the perfume he wore in the morning, to avoid feeling the smell of his pregnancy, hadn't worked.

The consequences are like a fierce cascade of which Paulo isn't very conscious yet.

Allegri doesn't allow him to run or jump when everyone else can. He doesn't let him do sit-ups either. In return, he entrusts him with gentle exercises that Paulo accepts with his head down and without bargaining. Facing the mister and questioning his decisions would be almost like accepting, in front of all his mates, that the scent that comes off his body means exactly what they are all thinking. To remain silent and to accept also embraces that implicit confession, but Paulo believes that he's too alone now to expect company or defense from someone.

Cristiano hasn't spoken to him throughout the day. He didn't even come close to saying hello. As has happened with all the rest of his teammates, he has ignored him without too many pomps. Paulo wonders if he can smell it and if he imagines that he is part of what is now inside, he also asks if the other guys have any idea that Cristiano has something to do with it. His questions never get answered, sadly. With dark eyes and a tired body, Paulo has to keep his weak workouts and quiet exercises. Only as in the first days, everything seems alien and far away.

Juan Guillermo gives him furtive glances, while everyone walks straight up to the bicycles and the treadmills. The groups within the team are very distinguishable, but Paulo no longer belongs to any, so he only moves slowly behind. He'd have preferred some comment of bad taste, a joke or even an insult; anything would have been better than the cruel ice law that the boys have imposed on him. When he crosses the door of the gym, Paulo feels like crying, so when the coach and the assistants leave for some moments he gets on one of the treadmills and tries to program it, as a way to escape this uncomfortable situation he hadn't wanted, but not avoided either.

"Hey, Paulo" then it happens. The first two words that alphas and betas have addressed him during the day. Paulo looks at where the voice comes from, without any hope that it's Cristiano. It's Juan Guillermo and his grimace is complicated to understand. Paulo nods softly and Juan Guillermo clears his throat and looks to the side, surreptitiously. "You shouldn't do that exercise. You know, for the... for your status"

Paulo doesn't answer. He doesn't make a single movement. Around him, the others just stare but nobody dares to say anything else.

When Massimiliano comes back in, everyone starts doing a different thing, except Paulo. Probably aware of the situation, the coach approaches him and whispers a soft "come with me, let's talk". Paulo would like to look the eyes of Cristiano ironically, but while he leaves the gym and accompanies Massimiliano, Cristiano denies him his look and denies his support and that hurts more than the cold indifference of everyone else.

-

Paulo sits in front of Massimiliano with too much nervousness. His stomach is shattered and his throat is burning from the nausea he has contained since he came to train. He dies of shame to think that the colony that was thrown over hasn't worked at all and that the coach will let him know without any shame. It is, in reality, as much as possible. Everyone looks at him as if they already knew and Allegri's eyes aren't different.

He knows that this may be the end and thinks so many things and he hates not being sure if it was worth it or not.

"How've you feeling?"

That is the first sentence that comes out of Massimiliano's lips and Paulo only blinks gently. The room's door where they are both is closed, but he feels as if everyone could hear. He doesn't dare to say a word, too embarrassed and shy to whisper a realistic answer.

"You look a little pale"

"I'm fine, just a little exhausted"

"Did you rest during the holidays? Could you do more than play football?"

Paulo shrugs uncomfortably.

"Yes, I spent the holidays with my family, travelled to Argentina"

"I'm happy for you, Paulo. You have adapted very well with the whole group. You're doing a great job"

"Thank you, mister"

Allegri looked away slowly. He seemed to be watching the window overlooking the training ground, then the paintings on the wall, and finally fixing his eyes on his face again. They looked so strange. Paulo couldn't read anything and that scared him in an incredible way. He found himself exposed with radical weakness. His thoughts dictated that from the mouth of his coach would come out the cruelest words and he wasn't sure he could face them.

"Paulo" Massimiliano cleared his throat after seconds of silence. "I'm delighted with you. You're a top-level player and I'm sure you're fully aware of that" Paulo didn't answer, he turned to look without blinking the man in front of him. "I don't regret having included you in the team. You have helped us win many games; You have all the skills in the world, Paulo. I know that, eventually, you'll become one of those players that you admire so much. You have worked hard and you deserve something like that"

Confused by the words of his coach, Paulo blinks subtly. Massimiliano's eyes burn as they seem to observe him with too much condescension. Paulo isn't sure about anything actually.

"It's because I appreciate your work in this club and what you've done for us, that I can't continue to allow you to train with the guys or play with the team"

It was like a bucket of cold water. As if all the fears he had had since the beginning of his career came true quickly. Massimiliano doesn't even give him time to answer, but Paulo feels his throat tightened. Even if they asked him, he wouldn't be able to pronounce a single syllable.

"In your state, Paulo, football isn't a safe sport. Your smell is distracting all your mates and that will only get worse over the months. I can't assure you that all the attention you'll get from the boys, the alphas and the betas, will be good. I don't know if they will behave in the right way with you. Paulo, you have to understand" Allegri said that in such a profound way that Paulo wondered if the crying he was holding with such dignity had already overflowed his eyes and cheeks. "I make this decision for the good of you and your child. Don't take it as a punishment for your pregnancy. I don't want you to feel pressured either, I don't care who the father of the child is. Your pregnancy... that's something we all knew that one day would happen"

Suddenly, the cry is replaced by rage. He's an omega, of course. Pregnancy is something innate in omegas. It's what they were born for, what they've been raised for. Their sole purpose in life, the moment they must face in whatever way they can. Therefore, he has been living a lie the last years of his life, wanting to go against his fate, pretending to be someone he simply could never become.

But that just isn't fair.

"You must leave the team, Paulo. I'm very sorry, but that's the way it should be. Continue playing and training is dangerous for your baby and for you. Don't worry about the money; We will talk with your manager and with the lawyers. When you give birth, the door will be open for you in case you want to return"

It's a promise without value, Paulo thinks. Nobody will be interested in him nine months later and no club will want on his team an omega who has to go home early to breastfeed his baby and change diapers.

When Allegri offers him something like that, it's the most painful lie.

"Trust me, this is complicated for me, too. I'm losing a great player. But I'm also sure, Paulo, that you're not going to neglect yourself. I trust that I'll see you arrive at the same level after you give birth to your baby"

Paulo cannot think of anything at that moment, everything seems to revolve around him. The chairs, the papers, the televisions, everything is suffocating and painful. Allegri stands up, approaches him and gives him a brief and uncomfortable hug, but Paulo isn't crying. He can't caress him back nor knows what to say exactly. Anything that came out of his lips now might seem like bitter resentment. Near his ear, Massimiliano whispers "I'll be calling you to ask how you are doing", so Paulo supposes that's the signal to leave.

-

The house is alone. The house is always alone. It never smells of anything sweet, nor is there a warmth of home. There is no one waiting for him when he opens the door, nor do messages arrive on his cell phone when he delays arriving, asking him if everything is fine. All the walls are so cold. Paulo leaves the keys on the table and stands in the center of the living room. If he were a little braver, he would dare to make his loneliness vanish after nine months.

Massimiliano seemed so convinced when he dictated his supposed return to the team after nine months. As if in fact he was going to give birth to that child and after that he might be able to leave alone a newborn, just to go running behind a ball. It's so tragic the way in which everyone seems to manage his times and what he should want, as if he weren't able to decide for himself because he is still a child who doesn't understand that his actions have consequences. When Allegri said that his pregnancy was something that everyone knew would inevitably happen some day, Paulo wanted to hit him in the face. That was nonsense; he could have decided to get sterilized or filled with pills for the rest of his life and pregnancy would never have been a real option.

Paulo had thought about it; sterilization seemed the best way to enjoy the talent he had on his feet, and he had given himself to the procedure without hesitation if it was that Cristiano had never appeared in his life.

He doesn't regret anything. The initial shock and pain slowly subsided when he remembered that he had the option (perhaps the only one) in his hands to never be alone again. He simply wasn't going to let it die.

He walked towards the kitchen with the intention of making himself something to eat. The morning nausea had faded and now gave way to a ravenous hunger. Paulo wanted to eat fruit and drink sweet juices and put anything with sugar in his mouth. He felt as if the baby inside was just asking for candy all the time and he was thinking, candidly, that that should be a sign. As if from now everything was going to get well. He grabbed a banana with that thought, with the smile of a lie on his face. He asked himself what the club would say when they explained their disengagement, if they would ask him if he wanted everyone to know about his pregnancy.

It was probably something they would not think too much about.

Paulo wanted to think about the dire consequences of his childish neglect, but he simply couldn't. The baby inside, incredibly, gave him a tremendous happiness and that happiness weighed more than his pain at the distance of his football club and the probable abrupt end of his career. He wanted to feel bad and reproach himself for being irresponsible, but the way he didn't care was so funny.

Hey, it's over. Europe and the A serie are over. The national team is over, everything, everything is over.

Well, Paulo thought sometimes, now it's going to start something new. Something better.

His phone rang a couple of hours after he left the club, when he was lying on his bed. He had sought to sleep with despair and hadn't succeeded. The annoying little sound that appeared on the bedside table didn't help, but it finally awakened him and gave an obligation to stand up. It was a message from Cristiano. Nothing too compromising, just a simple phrase that made Paulo bite his lips: I'm outside, open up.

Cristiano looked like he was just back from training. His hair was damp and he smelled of perfume, but his alpha essence remained persistent and soaked through the house when he finally came in. Paulo avoided his eyes as long as he could, while both were submerged in a silence that hadn't even left room for greetings. Cristiano sat on the sofa facing the window and the closed curtains, but Paulo didn't move from his place there in front of the coffee table.

He didn't know what to say or how he would answer when Cristiano finally asked.

"When were you going to tell me?"

Cristiano's voice is strong and demanding and it echoes in Paulo's ears, but he's still unsure of himself and the situation and actually, everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paulo sees himself obligated to leave the club.
> 
> Next chapter will show Cristiano's reaction!
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments, kudos and visits!


	3. No regrets

"I'm pretty sure I used a condom"

Those were the first words of Cristiano; He didn't look forward, but seemed very busy trying to decipher the answers in the palms of his hands.

Paulo shrugged his shoulders, diverting his eyes to the kitchen. He would have expected a smile at least. A sweet tone of voice that made him feel less guilty for something he didn't do alone.

"Well, no, you didn't"

Cristiano remained silent for a time that seemed infinite to Paulo. Reclining on the couch, his eyes were closed and his hands were on his face, moving his lips without letting a single phrase come out of them. Paulo watched him closely; he thought if he had also reacted like that when Georgina told him she was pregnant with Alana Martina.

"What am I going to do when everyone knows? And Georgina... when Georgina finds out she's going to go and take Alana, I'm going to lose everything"

"It's not easy for me either" Paulo tried, but Cristiano raised his voice suddenly, leaving him speechless.

"You're not the one who is married and has a family, Paulo. You don't owe explanations to anyone, you can do the shit you want! Do you understand what this means? Do you understand what your pregnancy is going to do to both of us?"

If Paulo had kept secret and tiny hopes that Cristiano's unpleasant bravado had been only premature and the product of nervousness, his speech took them like the wind. He realized that he was there in his house alone again and that although Cristiano and his smell invaded his furniture and his bed and his heart, that could only be a mirage. Cristiano's eyes were penetrating his face, but Paulo saw no support or sweetness or love in them and had to beat his eyelashes quickly, to keep frowning without wavering.

"You don't want it. You don't want this baby"

Cristiano wasn't able to deny it and just kept watching him, with his lips sealed and tight. He didn't realize that his eyes were full of tears, until Cristiano stood up and seemed to get close with pity and tenderness, whispering near him.

"Please don't cry"

"No, no, I get it" Paulo shook his head, taking a couple of steps back. He sought a distance between him and Cristiano that would also allow him to cope with the forced separation that the alpha was imposing with cruelty. "This baby doesn't fit in your life"

"Neither in yours, Paulo. Look, your career is just beginning and you've been doing so far so well. Without that baby, you wouldn't have to leave the club. You shouldn't stop doing what you love"

Paulo heard it silently, without a single word.

"How many weeks do you have? A month, a month and a half? It's still early... it's still a fetus, not a baby" Cristiano stopped for a few seconds, cleared his throat and then looked into his eyes. Paulo believed that at some point he wanted to take his hands, but he didn't dare. "Later you'll be able to have more children, when you have finished your career and you'll be able to raise them and you'll have an alpha, now it's simply not the right time"

Pipita's words move around his head and hit it again and again and again, like the worst warning. Paulo's chest tightens and his soul hurts and his voice sounds very hoarse and very trembling when he decides to ask what he'd never have thought to hear.

"You're saying I should kill my baby?"

Cristiano has red eyes.

"I'm saying that you're still very young, that you're beginning your career and that a child now would mean finishing it. Your chances are never going to be the same again, no club will hire you and you'll lose yourself only on a whim... "

"Why?" Paulo interrupted without meeting his eyes.

The words that now he heard coming out of Cristiano's mouth, before seemed so distant. Flirting in training, meetings in secret, the sweet kisses they shared when no one could... everything that ever made him feel that the opportunity to reach happiness was at the distance of a "yes", was crumbling with too much cruelty. He realized that he had been living a mirage, believing that one day it could become a reality. With the painful security of actually finding himself living in a desert, Paulo sighed deeply and took the strength to face Cristiano's gaze. His lips trembled, when he asked sadly.

"Why do I have to abort my child? Why do I have to do something so horrible? So that you feel good? So that your picture of perfect father and your happy family don't get stained? Why do I have to sacrifice my child so you can be happy? "

At times, Cristiano seems cloudy throughout his speech, but that only lasts for seconds. He instantly clears his throat and straightens up, trying to get close, but Paulo shakes his head so many times that he feels dizzy and disgusted.

"Paulo, I'm not a selfish bastard and I don't ask this of you just for me. I am thinking about you and your career, about your life in Juventus" 

"Is that what you told Georgina when she told you she was pregnant? That was better not to have Alana in order to not ruin the future of you two?"

"No, but that's different. Alana is my kid"

Paulo wanted to cry and whimper, he wanted to get into bed and cover his head with the sheets and never leave the house again.

"And this one that I carry inside is not yours? Is it just a fetus?"

"That's not what I meant" Cristiano argues and takes his arm, but Paulo moves away as if the touch of Ronaldo burned. "Paulo, it's not that I don't want that child or that I don't want to take care of it, it's that I can't. You knew that I was married and had a daughter and still you accepted me. You knew that I couldn't offer you anything else"

You could if you wanted, Paulo thinks. You could.

"I expected you to do it," he confessed shyly. "I was hoping you would try."

For the first time, Cristiano evades his gaze.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

"You need to leave" Paulo let go. He walked with too much dignity, without looking back if Cristiano was following his step. He stood waiting, watching the coming and going of the minute hand of his silver watch hanging on the wall.

"Paulo, I promise you that if I could..."

"Go away!"

Paulo's scream made Cristiano finally move. When he passed by him, he could feel his smell and heat and had to close his eyes just to imagine that everything Cristiano had told him there in the center of the room was the product of his imagination.

"Call me if you need anything"

Without further ado, Ronaldo disappeared from the house. Paulo slammed the door, then dragged his feet to the bedroom and threw himself on the bed, crying in dismay.

-

Football had always had stories, small and big rumors that spread among the players faster than they all really wanted. There were stories of all kinds that touched even the most recognized and important stars of the environment. Footballers always had to take care of themselves and be attentive to what the world was thinking about. They should choose their friendships carefully, open their mouths only with the right people. Suddenly, some forbidden secret could be filtered. This alpha male also likes alphas male, this player cheats on his wife, this guy had a child out of his marriage, this alpha hits his poor omega.

When the omegas were accepted in the main teams, it abounded all kinds of gossip. In such a closed and prejudiced world, it was difficult to make way. Some omegas had a bad time. Paulo remembers having heard raw stories that left him without sleep during some nights, didn't you know that that player raped his omega team mate? Everyone found out! It was worse when the omegas acted like omegas inside the field and also inside the club. They simply couldn't; if they did, they became vulnerable.

Many tried to blend in with the alphas and betas and dispense with the qualities that one time prevented them from participating in the world they loved. Football welcomed them, but it required them to adopt its rules. A fair deal for the opportunity to shine and earn money. Some omegas adapted quickly, others suffered the consequences of faking for so long. So many boys had suddenly simply abandoned football, because they had fallen in love, because they had gotten pregnant or because they couldn't stand the pressure of perfection.

Paulo remembers hearing, when he just started playing with the first team of Juventus, about Alexis Sánchez. Chilean, talented and with a very sad story, he was a world-renowned footballer. And also an omega. But, as some other stars had also chosen to do, Alexis desperately sought the acceptance and attention of the world at the cost of becoming the man he wasn't. He ended up charming the critics because on the field he behaved like an alpha more, just like his teammates, but outside of it he returned to embrace for himself everything people would expect from an omega and was reserved, funny, shy and smiling. The perfect combination.

Then he got the success, the money and the attention of all the big teams in the world. He arrived at Arsenal of England and became the star, but it was also there where he had to sacrifice his heart. Paulo followed their romance in secret, seeking in some way to find a justification and an example. All the press said that they both looked just in love. Lukas Podolski wasn't ashamed to kiss Alexis during training sessions or upload photos of the two to his Instagram with endearing phrases. The golden rule of football for omegas, not involving publicly with their alpha team mates, was being forgotten and Alexis and Podolski became the fighting flag of all the omegas in love. It was as if, in a strange way, Alexis showed the world that he could be the scorer and the star of his team and at the same time the partner and lover of an alpha.

But one day the end came, when Paulo least expected it and knowing it turned his heart. Lukas had decided to leave Arsenal and the rumors, he would later know, were true: Lukas hadn't been able to tolerate Alexis' refusal to start a family, marry and have children. Suddenly, it was as if all the little achievements that the omegas had obtained through this perfect couple of the football world had been broken into pieces. Paulo remembers feeling sorry when he found out, because the breaking of Alexis Sánchez and Lukas Podolski showed that omegas could only survive in football if they gave up their very essence.

From then on, the attention on Alexis never went with force to his football performance, but the press was commissioned to portray with malice his insistence for refusing to give birth and to create a home. Some time later, it was learned that Alexis had started a relationship with another of his teammates, Olivier Giroud. The entertainment journalists always commented, mockingly, that both were united by contempt for stable and traditional relationships. They seemed to love each other, but it didn't last long. They separated when Alexis signed with Manchester United and Olivier with Chelsea. Some claim that, in secret, they still see each other. Alexis always looked sad on the field or confused or exhausted and his talent at Manchester United never appeared as it had at Arsenal.

Paulo wondered, sometimes, if at the end of everything Alexis was happy.

He continued playing for Manchester United, under the direction of a talented coach and dedicated his life completely to football. He earned tons of money and was known all over the world. He had no children, no mate, no love. He was completely alone.

Will Alexis have repented sometime? Has he thought "maybe I should have told Lukas yes?" Has he regretted having decided not to give children to an alpha who loved and respected him?

Would he himself regret, someday, to give birth to Cristiano's child?

Would Cristiano ever regret his words?

Cristiano didn't ask if he had already done an ultrasound. Nor did he ask him to see his tummy under his clothes. He didn't want to know if he tolerated nausea, if his body hurt, if he wanted to cry every day. He only left with an offer that Paulo knew were empty words.

The bedroom in which he is reclining is, as it always was anyway, once again a solitary nest.

Paulo clings to the idea that when the baby inside is born, his house and his room will never be empty again and he'll never have to be alone again. With a little faith, the pain he now feels will cease and Cristiano will regret having asked him to kill Paulo's only opportunity to feel truly complete and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cristiano can't risk his life like that but Paulo isn't able to kill someone he already loves.
> 
> Thank you for your kudos, comments and visits!!

**Author's Note:**

> Someone asked me what I thought about this ship and after seeing so many pictures of them both together I cannot stop loving them. This plot occurred to me recently and I wanted to write it fast!
> 
> It is not my intention that someone feels insulted by this (since they are real people and all that), just like my other omegaverse stories about football players this is an experiment. If you like this guys I'd love to continue it!


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